A totally different feeling than I thought it would be.

This is night 1 of not being in a fuck friendship with a guy I was borderline falling for. I must say, I thought that it would feel different. I think I've mentioned before that I am a person who has a hard time getting over things. I thought for sure that I would be waiting, hoping, wishing he would call or text and ask to hang out. Ya know, be all like, "I know you said this has to be over, but I really wanna see you." Well, a girl can dream can't she? I'll go into little detail about this boy, We went to middle and high school together. He was always one of the most popular guys in school. Hanging out with high schoolers when he was in middle school, and they, of course, were the popular high schoolers. It's not like he was one of those weird middle school kids into dragon and wizard video games who hung out with people three grades higher than him who hung out with only younger kids because they were just that socially challenged in high school that it was hard for them to associate with anyone on a more mature level than 8th grade. No, he was way mature for his age. I'm not saying his behavior was a good thing, but it definitely made him someone who all the girls wanted. In high school, he had a girlfriend who, wouldn't you know, was one of the most popular girls in middle and high school. She was in the same grade as him and everything, and had all the same popular, older friends he had. Just like him, she was (is) very attractive and had people tripping over themselves to talk to her. The only difference was that all through high school she was a virgin and did not partake in any illegal activity such as drugs or underage drinking. And it worked for them. Of course, when they weren't together, he was a huge man whore. Anyways, the boy I've been seeing is, for all the obvious reasons, someone I can't resist. In high school, I hung out with all the same people he hung out with, so I mean, I wasn't a huge loser or anything in school, but I just wasn't noticed by him. Once I moved away for college and got over pretty much everyone and everything in my small hometown, he started to notice. He's got that bad boy attitude about him and it's hard for me to say no to anything when it comes to him. He's sexy, popular, loves to party just as much as I do, can sweet talk anyone, and overall, great in bed. I had a lot of fun with him, but when I started to notice these feelings that I hadn't felt in a long time creep up on me, I had to end it, which I obviously did last night. You see,  we'd hook up once every few months when we'd both be back in our hometown. It'd be a one night thing, one or both of us would be completely drunk, and then we'd go on about our regular lives as if it never happened. And that was totally fine. That's how I liked it and, in fact, how I wanted it. I was okay with having sex with him and then not talking to him for months until it came time for our routine hook-up. But then I moved home for the summer, and things changed. We saw each other for the first 3 nights I was home, and talked all the time in between. He ended up going out of state for a week and the entire time he was gone, I couldn't stop thinking about him. That was the first sign I knew I was gonna be getting in deep. After I ended things last night, I stayed up for a while thinking that it was gonna be hard for me to not talk to him or go see him and that I'd give in right away. I figured I'd text him today or tonight and tell him that I wanted to have one last go around before it was officially over, but I didn't. I didn't have the urge to. I thought I'd sit around waiting for his text or that I'd get that nervous feeling in my stomach ever time I'd get a text message, wishing it was him, but nope, that feeling wasn't there either. I actually feel great and less anxious. I know the kind of guy he is, and I know that he won't text me asking to still hang out all the time. I guess I wasn't in as deep as I thought I was because this is so much easier than I thought it'd be. Does this mean I'm actually growing up and learning the rules of being in my twenty-somethings? ;)

Gypsy soul, born for leaving, yadda yadda yadda (contd.)

I'm finally a little rested up. And I'm thinking that my mind is in a good place. Actually, that's partially true because even though I was finally able to fall asleep, I did so on the living room couch which then resulted in me being woken up by my stupid bitch roommate and her douche bag abusive boyfriend hustling in and out of the apartment. As you could tell, I really don't like either of them. The funny thing about it though, is that my roommate and I were best friends at one time. Or so I thought. I guess when I think about it now, she was never invested in the friendship like my other two roommates were/are. I'm still fairly close with the other two. But this one, she really irks me. I usually don't let people get under my skin, but she sure has a way of making me feel really fucking uncomfortable. But she's a whole other story and I don't feel like getting into her bullshit, so we'll save that for a different time, or no time. So more about me? Well, I don't like long walks on the beach with someone special unless it's my baby cousin, Khloe. That girl is my entire world. I don't think I've ever loved another human being as much as I love her (except for my parents, of course). Khloe came at the perfect time. A year after my mother had passed away, and a month after my ex-boyfriend (yes, I referred to him as something other than "the boy from my daydream". I'm in too good of a mood to be indifferent to him today.), broke up. Not to mention she was born two days after I had found out that my boyfriend of two years had been cheating on me for months and was dating the fat slut just 3 weeks after we (he) had ended things. Yeah, Khloe is perfect. She turned my world around and put it right side up after it had been turned upside down. I love her like she's my own, and to be honest (p.s. I hate that TBH shit on FB, so if any of you hate it too, I'm sorry for using it here.) she pretty much was my own for the first 6 months of her life. I was a live-in nanny to her while my aunt was at work, and also when my lazy aunt was home from work. I don't mind it though, that girl has the power to make everything feel so right in my world. I literally get depressed if I don't see her for a while. Anyways, I could go on for days about this girl, but I'll stop. So moving on to some more things about me. I don't like commitment. At all. In fact, I get freaked out any time a guy texts me for more than 3 consecutive days because I feel like he's getting attached. Crazy, right? I know. It's just how my brain has conditioned me to be. Thanks to the two assholes I put every ounce of effort I had in, I am now one of those cold bitches who would rather get hers and leave than worry about where a guy's from and if he has a Facebook. I don't appreciate a guy staying in my bed after we've just got done doing the deed and I really do not tolerate any cuddling. I get annoyed easily when I am constantly asked to go on a date or even when I am constantly asked how I'm doing or what I'm up to. I didn't used to be this way. I used to be that clingy, easily and very attached, down for anything, walked all over girl. I used to "love". Basically I was just a bunch of bullshit like my roommate. I'm not saying I wouldn't let someone in. But for now, I just don't see it happening any time soon. I suppose I just need to find someone I can click with right away. But don't get it twisted, I'm not looking. I love watching Motocross. My ex was an MX racer and he pretty much introduced me to the sport. I'm a cluts on a bike, but I do love me some boys in gear with more power between their legs than I've ever had. I looooove my family and doing family things. Another weird thing, I love my ex-boyfriend's family too. They're pretty much my own family, in the fact that they take my side over my ex's any day and they hate his new girlfriend just as much as I do. Yeah, it's great to be liked by the family, I'd definitely hate to not be in good with them. Maybe I'll ask the fat slut how much of a bitch it feels like to not be allowed at her boyfriend's family gatherings when his ex girlfriend is. :) Yeah, I'm a bitch about it. I love summer. It's my season. This summer, I turn 21, so I'm more pumped for it than ever. I can finally get shit faced at a bar instead of at someone's house, but I know I'll miss the house parties too. I love all kinds of music, except for that old country western and classical shit. I'm not big on TV, but the TV I do watch is definitely dramatic like my life. I love to workout, the only problem is that I'm a lazy motherfucker and it's hard to motivate myself to do so. Mmm, I'm definitely not quiet. I am outgoing and LOVE meeting new people. I love to write, even if I'm not so good at it. There's really a lot to me, but this post is getting ridiculously long. So I guess, comment if you're interested enough to know more about me.