This summer, I'm going to live freely.

We all declare that "this summer" is going to be "the best one ever". I don't know how many times I've said this. I think the only times I've ever had an actual  good summer would be Summer of 2008 and Summer of 2011. Summer of 2010 could probably make the list of "best ones ever!", but it was a part of that daydream I had described in my previous post, so we'll just say that I've only had two great summers since having great summers actually became important to me. Anyways, I don't know what inspired me today, but I am just in the writing mood. The whole reason I started this blog was so I could release everything I'm feeling, mainly for stress related reasons, but also because I just love to write. I've always loved it, but after my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer, I kinda just lost my flare for it for a while. It didn't seem as important to me as it did before and as it does today. I wish I never let writing down because I know that writing has never let me down. I guess I could have really used it back then and a year ago. But here I am, writing, being happy, loving my life, and sharing my thoughts with whoever is willing to take the time to try to understand them. I decided today, after looking at cover photos to playlists on 8tracks.com, that I am going to make a list of things I can do to truly make Summer of 2012, in fact, the best summer ever. I am actually looking forward to making all of this happen. Hope this can inspire you, whoever you may be, to make yourself a list too. :)

1. Make new friends. I seem to do this every year anyway, so I figured I'd add it to the list too, just to give it some supplement.
2. Have a hot, steamy, summer fling. Nothing serious. Just someone I can have fun with, without any commitment. I know every girls says that she doesn't wanna get attached to someone and then ends up doing it, but I'm actually that girl who honestly does not want attachment. On either end. I can't handle clingy guys who want to spend the night after sex, want to get breakfast, want to cuddle, want to sit and have long conversations about our lives. No,  that's not me. I know how that seems. Slutty, right? Well, I'm not a slut, like I've stated before in a previous post. I can count all of the partners I've had one on hand and there's still room left for more on the same hand. I don't have random sex. I don't use and abuse guys. I don't "get around". I used to be the girl who was in love with the idea of "love". I guess I've just learned to be a better person on my own. But it would be nice to have someone I can hang out with, party with, relieve some sexual tension with, and just be awesome friends with. I'd love this kinda person for the summer where everything seems to be more fun. I think it'd be a nice edition to have for a summer filled with awesomeness, and then, once the summer is over, we can remain friends, but nothing more. I know that's hard to come by, so that's why it's on this list because I am going to make something like this happen.
3. Do something new and insane. Like skydiving, cliff jumping, bungee jumping, anything exhilarating.
4. Change someones life. In a good way. I'm going to actually do this.
5. Work my ass off all summer long. I've been out of a full-time job for quite some time now due to school and what not. Last summer I just went wild. Partied like I did when I was a sophomore in high school. I didn't really have commitment to anything, which was nice, but also very irresponsible. So this summer, I'm going to get my ass in gear and do something other than eat, sleep, party. I know you're probably thinking, "How great can your summer be if you're going to be working the whole time?" Well, I'll tell you. I am a CNA and I work at the nursing home back in my hometown. It's a very small, tight-knit community, so of course the nursing home is relatively small too. I get super close with the residents there which makes me love my job, not to mention all of the extra money I'll finally have. I'm still gonna do some partying though. ;) Haha, okay, probably a lot, but not to the point that that's ALL I do. Hey, what can I say? Growing up goes slow.
6. Get a new car! This is my main motivation to working my entire summer away. I need one soooo bad. And I know that if I'm the one saving for it, then I'll get a car that I actually want. 
7. I'm going to mend some bridges that have been burned or damaged. I like to think that there's not a lot of these because I hate being that person who burns bridges, but I know that there's a few that I'll need to cross one of these days. When I was stuck in a two year daydream, I lost myself, as well as the closeness I had with family and some friends. Summer 2011 was about starting over and getting close with my family again. This summer is about getting close with my old friends again. 
8. Spend some quality time with my dad. We haven't done this since before my mom passed away. I know he's lonely while I'm away at school and last summer, I was hardly home. In fact, there hasn't been a time that I was home for more than two consecutive weeks since February of 2010. It breaks my heart and it's all actually catching up with me. I should have been with him the summer after my mom passed away. Actually I should have been with him the entire time after my mom passed away. I switched schools just a couple months after she passed away and haven't lived at home since. Wow, writing it down instead of thinking about it reeeally breaks my heart. So I thin I'm going to take him fishing. As much as I possibly can. For entire days. This is something that I need to do for sure. Above everything else. In fact, we'll just say that this is number one on my list since it'll be a lot of work to switch everything around and I wasn't actually listing these things by importance. This right here is the single most important thing on my list. Just so everyone knows.
9. Buy my dad something NICE! My dad has been such a huge help to me ever since I started college. I don't know how I would have made it this far without his support and financial help. I feel horrible that here I am, almost 21 years old, and I still rely on my dad for pretty much all of my financial needs. He's an old man. He's really my grandfather, but my grandparents raised me my whole life. So when I refer to my mom and dad, just remember that they're actually my grandparents. But to me, they'll always be just my parents. <3 Anyways, it's my turn to give back to him. This will be the summer that I start supporting myself and I do and buy nice things for HIM.
10. Hmmm, number ten. What should I put for 10 on the list? Since I always seem to get so carried away with writing and usually end up writing half of a novel, I think I'll stop this list with ten. The last thing that I am goaling (yes, I know that't not really a term) myself to is to finally open up about my mom's death. I've never really talked about the details of her death with anyone, except for the boy from my daydream. I've always held it inside and it really eats at me. So this summer, I am going to muster up all of my courage and finally talk about it.